What is your deficit?

Esther 2:10 “Esther had not revealed her nationality and family background, because Mordecai had forbidden her to do”. (NIV)

What is that 1 thing in your life that you choose not to reveal?

Something so dark or embarrassing that you are afraid to reveal it, for the fear of losing your credibility. Something that has the power to break you as women. It is something you hold so close to you, because you fear that if it accidentally slips out, it may be the end of you.

I call that “thing” a deficit.

A deficit is defined as a shortage of something (whatever that thing is in your life). A deficit robs you of living your full potential. It robs you of being you.

When you think of Queen Esther, you think of perfection. You think of someone exemplary, someone young girls can look up to. She is the image of a Godly woman for so many Christian women out there. You would never think that Esther may have a deficit in her life, but she did. In Esther 2:10 Mordecai advises Esther not to make know to her King that she is of Jewish Heritage he reasons behind this request were of a great magnitude, as Esther had the fate of a an entire nation in her hands. We all know that she had to keep that part of her life a secret for a greater purpose. If we were to look into the life of Esther on a daily basis, what would we see? Maybe Esther would avoid certain foods because she was not allowed to eat it because of religious restrictions on food? What if she was not allowed to speak her own language? Perhaps she had to avoid friends and family (even within the castle) so as to not give away her heritage? What about her husband? The most intimate relationship on this earth is between a husband and wife. Your intimacy escalates to a point where you can read each other’s behavior. You need what your partner needs and sometimes even feel what they feel. How hard must it have been for Esther to keep such a secret from her husband? We don’t really know, as the Bible does not share those finer details.

Deficits in one’s life may serve a purpose. It may be to protect others around you or even to protect yourself. A good deficit would be something that could save another’s life. A bad deficit would be something that can cause you harm. This harm does not need to be physical; oftentimes it is more emotional and psychological of nature.

I struggled with a certain deficit in my life for many years. I have a problem with smell. I tend to sweat a lot which makes other parts of my body a little stinky. As a result I avoid people. I avoid coming to close to others and I basically avoid having close intimate relationships with friends or acquaintances. I keep people at a distance. It is my way of protecting myself against the pain of someone holding their nose when I am around or someone secretly laughing at me or avoiding me. The easiest way to not get hurt is to stay away. If I find myself in situations where I am part of the crowd, I prefer to focus my eyes on something else. If I can’t see it, I can’t feel it. I am your typical Ostrich. Because of this problem I face I feel a certain sense of loneliness. I am unable to live comfortably outside of my house. I am unable to relax, because I always wonder whether I am poisoning someone’s breathing space. So I live day-to-day with the fear and pain of exposure. Unfortunately I also miss out on many opportunities to make new friends, acquaintances and even enter love relationships. This deficit has prevented me from truly living a full life.

I hope and pray that one day I will be free of this torture .I hope  that maybe there is a purpose behind all this and that I may be able to help another person who maybe going through the same type of problem. Rejection is a very painful experience and I will share more about that another time. I just hope and pray that the Lord will help me carry this load until a time where I have made it through the test. I choose to remain positive. I hope that you will do so too.

May the Lord be with you.



Dankbaarheid is God se wil

Thoughts on being grateful

Manna Tydskrif's Blog

Dankbaarheid is God se wil – deur Gary Kieswetter

Ons moet nie net in elke omstandigheid dankbaar wees nie, ons moet ook dankbaar wees vir die omstandighede.

“Dankie” is ? baie klein woordjie, maar dit beteken baie. Ons word van kleins af geleer om “dankie” te sê, dis iets wat gekultiveer moet word. Om dankbaar te wees maak die lewe vir ons baie makliker. Ondankbare mense is gewoonlik mense wat nie ? verhouding met God het nie – of wat net God se goedheid en genade as vanselfsprekend aanvaar. Ondankbare mense glo dat God en die wêreld hulle iets skuld. Ondankbaarheid het die vermoë om ons arrogant te maak sodat ons nie die gesindheid van Christus openbaar nie. Ondankbaarheid is ongelukkig ook ? houding onder baie Christene.

Dankbaarheid gebeur nie vanself nie, dit moet aangeleer en beoefen word. Om dankbaar te wees teenoor God beteken dat jy bereid is om…

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Authentic worship

A disciple's study

Authentic worship always involves obedience and sacrifice. It involves obedience because God desires worship from us, and such worship involves sacrifice because it is the subjective, expressive, and spiritual attitude that demonstrates our willingness to approach and encounter our Infinite-Creator-Redeemer God.

Authentic worship is not about satisfying specific generational likes and fixations on individual want. Authentic worship is about finite beings entering into the presence of the Infinite, it is about created beings encountering their Creator-Redeemer, and it is about a corporate community of professing believers who participate in expressing their feelings and celebrating the triune God in both Spirit/spirit and truth regularly.

…authentic worship is not a commodity; it is not a preoccupation with luring people into our service; and it is not a preoccupation with satisfying or appeasing generational likes and dislikes. Authentic worship is first and foremost about God.

Authentic Worship by Herbert Bateman…

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Faith in retrospect

What is faith? No, who is faith?

The Bible says all you need is faith as small as a mustard seed.Why this small?Is it so easily achievable? Or is it because it is so small that it is such a big task?

Nowadays I find it so hard to have faith in the things of God.We see things happen in churches.We see how the body of God is at war,instead of standing in unity.It becomes truly difficult to believe each other,to stand by one another and to help build eachother.You know,sometimes,it feels as though we are wondering in and on a journey of nowhereness.Everybody has a direction they are pointing to,but which of these many paths will you follow.

Back in Esther’s day,she had an uncle Mordecai,who cared and loved for her as a father should love his daughter.Even though she was in the enemy’s camp he looked after her from outside.He gave her wise counsel and she listened.She obeyed and trusted him.She had a reference,more so,she had a God in which she trusted.You know,we may look at Esther ,as this Biblical Cinderella story,but if you put yourself in her position and think about what she had to go through on a day to day basis ,then you might have second thoughts.

When Esther walked into the castle as one the beautiful Virgins,she didn’t know she was going to be Queen.She was most probably afraid and didn’t know what to do or what to expect.But she held on,because her Uncle told her too and she believed God would see her through.That’s faith.Faith stems and is driven by love.She had love for her “parent” and she had love for her God.This Faith that she would be OK,made her brave.

How many of us walk into situations,not knowing what to expect.When we walk into an absolute darkness,do we know when and where the light is going to come our way.Yet we keep walking,because often there is someone cheering us on to make it through the darkness.This cheerer is often Jesus through the word of God,through people,through worship,through His blood that sets us free,through the Holy Spirit.You know you have the do it for Him,because of the love you have for Him.But Most of all you often do it because you do not want God to be disappointed in you.I mean,what kind of Christian would you be,if you didn’t succeed? Success alone comes through the grace of God.

So remember the next time you go through darkness that your faith needs to direct you to God and that the same faith you have in Him drives you to success.Contrary to popular belief,Esther didn’t make it on her own.She had a shepherd and she had a Father whom she loved and they were the one’s to guide her.

In faith

The Esther Mission

What would I achieve if I couldn’t bring God into the equation? Where would I be if it were not for God? And how do I make it to the throne room without prayer, without counsel and without dedication and commitment. How do I…?

You may be wondering why I named this blog Lady Esther. Well,as you may know Queen Esther in the Bible is a true Legend and example for us living in the modern era. She is a Queen worthy of her crown. She is brave, humble , obedient and she knows how to stand up for her rights. She is bold. Queen Esther is the epitome of grace and elegance. She is dignified and her background did not dictate her future. In fact her background uplifted or fueled her to reach her God-given purpose in life. In many ways, she is my hero.
But if you look back at Esther’s life there is one thing that stands out. Queen Esther never wavered in her faith and dared to tread in the counsel of men of another faith in order to stand –up for her God and to stand up for her people. Do you even find women like that these days? Yes, you do, but they are few.
So I created this blog as a means of directing women to becoming Esther. A woman who stands up for her nation, without throwing or shoving aside her God. We will discuss topics such as being bold in faith, righteousness, sex and even the Christian journey to everlasting life. We are geared to meet our king soon,but are you worthy of your crown?
Be warned though that at times, things may become a little sensitive.